I can't tell you how many tears I have wiped, or how many hands I’ve held in an attempt to reassure exhausted new parents that they are doing the best they can… and that it’s good enough.
I experienced postpartum anxiety and depression after the birth of two of my four children. My first experience was lonely, isolating, and heartbreaking and it didn’t get any easier the second time around.
My personal postpartum struggles – while challenging and dark – helped inspire me to become what I am today, a postpartum doula and new parent educator. I wanted to let other new parents know that they’re not alone and empower them to put their mental health first. I find myself repeating, over and over again, that the best thing they can do for their baby is to care for themselves first. Think of the ‘oxygen mask’ example used on airplanes!
Approximately 70-85% of new moms experience the “baby blues,” which refers to a short period after giving birth that’s filled with bouts of sadness, anxiety, stress, and mood swings. According to some studies, as many as 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression with half of them never being diagnosed. Those mothers with bipolar disorders, depression or anxiety are 30% to 35% more likely to have postpartum depression. Likewise, mothers who have had depression symptoms after previous pregnancies are apt to have them again.- according to Johns Hopkins. The prevalence of this mental health issue is why I find it so important to talk about it openly; so we find ways to support new parents and their precious newborns.
Breastfeeding - while natural - is a learned skill between a mom and baby. Many new moms will stop breastfeeding within the first few weeks after birth if they don’t have lactation support. Breast milk is scientifically proven to be the perfect food for a newborn baby. However, the ‘Breast is Best’ movement can put untold pressure on new moms to exclusively breastfeed. When I work with new parents, I support ‘Fed is Best’ or what’s best for baby AND mama. That approach gives new parents the validation that it's okay to combination feed (breast and formula) or formula feed exclusively to ensure their baby is fully fed to grow and thrive.
While there are some mothers who are blessed with an abundant milk supply there are so many others who have ongoing, significant challenges with breastfeeding. Many buy into the belief that they are failing when they cannot produce enough milk to satisfy their baby’s rapidly growing tummy, or have to supplement with formula. I hear of many moms “power pumping” to increase production which means even less sleep. But sleep deprivation can fuel the downward spiral - leading to increased anxiety, on top of raging hormonal changes, and even decreased milk supply.
Parents must be taught the risks of insufficient breast milk intake when supporting exclusive breastfeeding to prevent hospitalizations for insufficient feeding complications. … we strive to eliminate infant feeding shaming while prioritizing perinatal mental health.
While many new mothers experience some mood changes after giving birth, 15–20% experience more significant symptoms.- Fed Is Best Foundation.
I love the information found on the ‘Fed is Best Foundation’ website, and sharing this reassuring information with my struggling mamas, with the hope of giving them ‘grace’ and peace. It’s OK!, to make the decision to give your baby a ‘clean’ formula to ensure their little one is getting the calories they need to grow and thrive.
YOU matter, so no matter what. “Be kind to yourself.” That’s the first step in bonding with your bub. Keep in mind that there are other ways to bond with your baby and provide them with the ‘mama’ and parent bonding they need, such as‘’skin to skin.’ Practicing ‘skin to skin’ with your newborn, several times a day, has been scientifically proven to promote healthy emotional newborn bonding with mama and has so many emotional and physical benefits for baby as well!
Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind as you are going through those early postpartum weeks:
Share the feed - Lean on a partner, friend, relative, or a doula, to help with feeding. That could mean bottle feeding breastmilk or formula (combo feeding) with a clean, high-quality formula like Aussie Bubs, and gives mom more sleep!
Prioritize your sleep – share the feed and sleep when the baby sleeps. Your mental health is more important than doing the laundry or cooking.
Talk to a lactation consultant about when to pump, when sleeping long blocks at night, to ensure your milk supply doesn’t wake you up.
If you are having an ongoing, significant struggle with breastfeeding, find a trusted source who supports “fed is best.’
Get professional help if you are struggling. There are free resources through Postpartum Support International.
Or call the PSI HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773
Sheri Poe wants every new parent to enjoy their precious moments with their newborn without stress, exhaustion, or overwhelm. She’s a Certified New Parent Coach and Infant Sleep Consultant who has helped hundreds of new parents. With 30+ years of experience and a mama of four adult children, Sheri is the founder of Om Baby and provides personalized guidance and expert coaching for new parents who want a happy, calm, and well-rested baby.